Important Stretches for Everyday
The Klaus Trench – Begin with feet together. Now, imagine you are carrying a shovel. With the left hand on the handle and the right about eight inches from the spade, pretend to shovel about three inches of water over your right shoulder, as you jump and move your feet three inches apart. Repeat until your legs are fully extended. Now, hoist the shovel over your right shoulder with your right hand and salute with your left. Salute as you jump and bring your feet together. Repeat.
Reverse Bonanza – WARNING: Be sure to keep at least four feet of free space when performing the reverse bonanza. With your feet shoulder width apart and your arms straight out beside you, begin to spin clockwise very slowly. With each step, bring your knee up and touch it to the opposite hand, bending at the elbow. Gradually spin faster and faster until you bump into something. Then, immediately spin the opposite direction with your hands straight up, making owl noises until you bump into something. Repeat.
Hip Tap Slap Buffoon – Start with your legs spread and your hands on your hips. Hold your left hand out and tap it with your right hand. This sends your left hand flying behind your head, slapping your right ear, buffoon. Repeat.
Chasing China – Tip: Best performed in a park or bowling alley. Start bent at the hip and knees with your hands touching the ground and begin digging with your fingernails. Roll over, head first, and try again.
If none of the above methods find you any immediate success, try Evaporated Upper Body Strengthener from GM.
-B.M. Harkness PhD.